The Battler's Aussie Election

NEWS FLASH

The Battler's adventures during the recent Australian election is now available as a book at Lulu.com

The whole collection is now in one, easy to follow resource, available as a book, or as a download.

Election 2010 - V Day Plus 17 - Closure Part 2

The Battler's commentary on the 2010 Australian Federal Election is to close.  It has been great fun and I hope it has been enjoyed by those who read the regular contributions.  I would like to thank all those who followed the campaign with a little help from the Battler, with a special thanks to the large number of followers on Twitter and their R/T's.

The Battler's Election has had its day
As it fades now into history,
A commentary of a Nation pleading,
To be noticed would be a victory.

The people have spoken and made their choice
While angered by what was served,
Determined their voice be loud at last
Blood running strong, their passion stirred.

So be it understood by those few elected
Both major parties were clearly rejected!

Election 2010 - V Day Plus 17 - Closure Part 1

Today, 7 September 2010, is the day that a decision was made by the three independents as to who would be Prime Minister.  This decision, some seventeen days following the vote, was the result of some very hard work by all participants.  They should all be commended.

Across the nation there was agitation,
You could smell it in the air.
The tension of sublime anticipation,
This day a decision to declare!

The Three Wise Men did meet again,
To frame their point of view,
One declaring for the Abbott, then
The Ranga surged ahead with two!

This is the way our Election ends, neither whimper nor banging loud,
And the patient Men of Wisdom have served the nation proud!

Election 2010 - V Day Plus 16

Why are we waiting?  I guess we know the answer to that.  There is no doubt that the Independents are doing what needs to be done.  Its a task they didn't seek or expect, but they do seem to have lifted for the game.  Pity others haven't been so obliging!

The Abbott puffed out his chest
The Three Wise Men to be abused.
"How can you contemplate that leftist lot,
When to us you should be fused!"

The Three Wise Men just shook their heads,
Moving forward without a fumble,
Ignoring the pathetic, pouting and posturing
Of Pride before its stumble.

Meanwhile, the Ranga in private forum
Lined up her ducks with quiet decorum.

A Walrus On Black Holes.

Thursday the 2nd of September, 12 days after the election, continued to see Australia waiting upon a result.  However, we did have confirmed, finally, by Treasury that the Coalition election promises failed the test of accuracy when assessed by Treasury.  Further detail can be read here http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/09/01/3000068.htm

"Behold" Walrus to the Abbott said,
"I speak of many things,
Of promises and budget cuts
And pigs, airborne, with wings."

The Walrus twirled his whiskers,
Shrugged, then dived into the sea.
"I'd rather chase these little fishies
Than let you on a spending spree."

The Abbott spat and cursed, his plans all in a tatter,
And sent another email to that mad, North Queesland, hatter

Election 2010 - V Day Plus 6 - Still Waiting!

The Gang of Five reduced to three,
Then back to five again,
Depending if you count the Green,
Which might make four, just then!

But number four is not quite sure
Just how to play this game,
Though, as the new chum he's keen to make
His mark within the frame.

Yet, with all this did we notice four Diggers who left the stage,
More Aussie tears to spoil the ink upon this page!

Election 2010 - V Day Plus 1 - Gang of Five.

We all know the result so far, a hung parliament.  Does that mean the people won?  Perhaps it does, we must wait to find out.

After all that happened these last five weeks
With policies, pledges and random leaks,
Comic interludes by ex PMs,
Is this how the election ends?

Its a draw, or at least, just about;
Neither party had enough clout
To clearly win the vital day
So 'tis the piper they must pay.

Now its up to the gang of five
To keep our nervous hopes alive!

Election 2010 - V Day Minus 0! Polls Closed!

Just a few minutes and the polls will close.
Who will win, nobody knows!
With bated breath the people wait
For a sign, a tweet, to reveal their fate!

The night descends and friends will gather,
Candidates, exhausted, but nerves still a lather;
Political experts poised to voice
Expert opinion on the peoples' choice.

Quietly now, tele on, we await the show,
So crack a tinny, pour a wine -get on with it, let's go!

Election 2010 - V Day Minus 1! - Liberal ID Card on Cards!

In a rare corner of the Internet it was discovered today that the Liberal/National Coalition may intend to introduce a compulsory ID card.  Joe Hockey told The Age that he deeply regretted not being able to conclude his project to introduce an Access Card when previously in government.  For Access Card read ID card.  It won't achieve what is intended if it does not share information from multiple sources, including the Tax Office, Centre-link, Medicare, your doctor (presumably) and bank.  Of course, perhaps they can't run it without high speed broadband..........

Access card! Access card, I hear you say!
With us elected there will be another ray
Of hope that we, in government, can snoop
On all your secrets and the evil to which you stoop!
We know you lot are ripping off
Our health and welfare system! No, don't scoff!
Its true, but we will catch you unprepared
When our new "Snoop-card" is declared.

Er! What happened to the Internet?
Mmmm, perhaps we have cause for deep regret!

Election 2010 - V Day Minus 2! - Tony's Campaignathon!

After the non-debate in Brisbane last night we have spent most of today hearing how Tony Abbott is to undertake a campaignathon of 36 hours.  I guess that's fair enough!  After all, surely he can make his own choices at work?

"I'll campaign all night long," he said

"For 36 hours straight!"

"I want the people to really know

I'm ready to guide their fate."

"I tell you now I've learned a lot

And in understanding truly grown."

"I'm packed for moving to the Lodge

Smugglers, bike and tin can phone."

Whispers, "Now listen Andrew, Joe and July, tell me what you think;

Do you think we can get Work..you know...in without a bleedin' stink?"

Election 2010 - V Day Minus 3! - Debate, Or Whatever, Done & Dusted!

The somewhat unexpected second forum, held in Brisbane, is over.  There is no doubt in this Battler's mind that both political leaders have run a gruelling race with dignity and courage.  Regardless of our political view, perhaps we should be thankful that we have leaders who have been so willing to give so much of themselves.

So, now they've had the final forum,

As the end approaches of this election race.

The leaders performing with defined decorum,

Acknowledging their public with style and grace.

Midst the hew and cry of electioneering,

They have stood above the baying crowd;

With respect from fickle foe and friends believing,

And party faithful standing proud.

We, not exposed to political fury,

Hold their fate, both judge and jury.

Election 2010 - V Day Minus 4! - Another Debate....

It would seem that another election debate is on its way.  Oh well....

Hooray! Another debate forthcoming

Or, at least, its on the cards.

More fuel for pencil and cartoonist skill,

More fun for cranky, part-time, bards.

Will we suffer just thirty minutes,

Or will we cop an hour?

Will it be a public hall discussion,

Or an economic punch-up, each the other to devour?

Bring it on folks, get it under way,

But be assured 'tis we, who have the final say!

Election 2010 - V Day Minus 5! - The NBN

During the Labor policy launch today, Prime Minister Julia Gillard offered some health policies which seriously emphasised the advantages of the National Broadband Network.  So perhaps......yeh, I know...corny!

She lay there, shivering, in constant pain,

Girl of ten, don't know her name,

Living in a town, somewhere out west,

Out there, outback, where they breed the best.

Struggling to wake from a restless dream,

Her mother approaches with a tiny screen,

And waves it over her, like a magic wand,

Listening to a voice, familiar and fond.

The Doctor's Hotline does the job again,

But only because of the NBN!

Election 2010 - V Day Minus 5!

This is the first day of the final week and already we have seen the Labor official campaign launch, together with a bundle of new promises from the major parties.  It probably won't end here.

So quiet, the breaking of the dawn;

The people innocent of the coming storm

To chase them, screaming, from their beds,

Media blaring in their heads,

Newsprint all scattered on the lawn,

"Sssh! The kids are up. I shouldn't have sworn!"

And as the sun peaks over trees and sheds

The people await the policy dregs!

But this is the week that requires some thought

Lest our vote, uncaring, is cast for nought!

Desperate Declarations and Daring Do!

The noise increases as the desperate contenders vie for attention and an upper hand.  Its desperate days, so get out the ear plugs or listen to Triple J.........

There is a moment in every election
When the fear begins to show!
That point in time when all the deception,
All the haste and policy invention,
Yields doubt, and despair begins to grow.

Its at this moment, with desperate daring,
That the voices begin to rise,
And challenges galore, no mercy sparing,
Are issued with haste and bellicose blaring,
The contenders all struggling to avoid their demise!

The Final Week Approaches

The final week of this 2010 election is almost upon us.  What will it bring?  More lack of vision, or perhaps........?

So, here we are, just a week to go,

Not a time for leaders to slacken or slow.

Its onward, upward, charge for the guns,

This week the winner must score all the runs!

The people shudder and squirm about,

Their voice unheard midst the tumult and shout.

Hopes for a future of visionary style

All fallen victim to political guile!

Yet, perhaps one ray of hope, moving forward, that fits,

Could it be fibre optics, the NBN and a hundred megabits?

Financial Skill or Smoke and Mirrors

The Opposition has declared its refusal to submit its policies for scrutiny by Treasury.  And so the argy-bargy continues............

Joe claims to know what he's about,
To keep control and run this place;
How to trim the fat and keep things lean,
Make things happen at a cracking pace!
Books kept well, have no doubt.

Then Joe and Tony meet with dread,
"Don't ever send those facts and figures
To Treasury, where I'm sure they'll leak.
Mum's the word, mate, lest revelation triggers
Misunderstandings that knock us dead!"

Live at Rooty Hill!

Wednesday night saw a return to traditional campaigning, when both Gillard and Abbott appeared at a town hall style meeting in Sydney's Western Suburbs. While nothing like a debate, reports suggest that Tony Abbott won the night.

Whoopy do and tooty fruity
The guys showed up at dear old Rooty,
Hill - that is - Western Suburbs, Sydney side!

No debate but a show nonetheless,
Put through their paces under stress,
By voters - undecided, that is - and paid!

Yet, after that do we really know
Who might be best to run the show?
And surely its true that when on stage
The best actor is the one after whom we rage!

Messaging - The Opposition Way

At the risk of making a blatantly political point, we now know why the Opposition has chosen to keep Australia in the technological dark ages.  Very simply, they do not understand the importance of the internet and the importance of download speed to its use and viability.  This became abundantly clear during Tony Abbott's interview on the 7.30 Report last night.

I saw a man upon a hill
Waving arms, he looked a dill.
Nearby, smoke puffed long and short
While pigeons flew, not just for sport!
Mirrors flashed, all bright and keen
As bonfires flared and yearned to be seen;
A runner speeding with message stick
Anything to send news quick!

Meanwhile, a little boy given cans and string
Could not figure out how to work the thing!

Oh Sweet Ecstasy - A Double Dose of Delicious Policy!

At long, long last both the Opposition and Government put forward a couple of policies that touched on areas slightly more important than the usual pork barrelling.  I have become so excited with this strange duel development, that I may need to present two offerings for your edification and enjoyment.

Prime Minister Gillard offered a commitment to fully implement the Murray-Darling Basin Authority's water plan to assist in restoring the health of that ailing river system.

Like a long brown snake it wanders,
From the mountains to the sea;
Slowly now, without much zest,
Not the beast it used to be.

Mighty red-gums stand in fearsome struggle
So desperate to survive,
While wetlands wither and recede
Perhaps too shattered to survive.

So now we'll buy the water back, the river to restore
And keep our fingers crossed, in hope, the people they'll not ignore!

____________________

Meanwhile, the Opposition, having previously stated their distaste for the Government's National Broadband Network, offered their alternative plan.  This was announced as "...more than $6b....".  In actual fact, it adds up to almost double at $11.8b.

Sadly for the Opposition, their Andrew Robb had a conversation on ABC's "AM" program (transcript here) many hours before their broadband policy announcement.  In part, it went like this...

"ANDREW ROBB: There is no confusion on our side of politics on this issue. We have got savings, fully costed and presented, at $28.5 billion and we have got expenditure of $25.5 billion fully costed and fully presented. 

That is a difference, over and above the costs and expenditure, of $3 billion.

LYNDAL CURTIS: And will that gap stay or are you going to commit to spending some more money during the remainder of the campaign?

ANDREW ROBB: We're committing to both spending some more- a little amount more money and also to identify more savings. So we'll give you the final figure long before the election."


That looks to me like a total spend on promises of $37.3b, which leaves a deficiency of a mere $8.8b above their stated savings.  Oh well, its only an election after all, and I wasn't very good at maths.


While I wasn't very good at maths
I could multiply and add,
Because of which I could "take away"
And at division I was quite dab.


Now,  Andrew made it very clear he had $3b left,
After adding in their savings and deducting what they spent.
This afternoon the bill went higher, for Internet you know,
Which leaves his promised surplus battered and badly dent.


So now twelve thousand workers are heading for the sack
And we get basic broadband, with the budget deficit back!